I realized nothing was worth staying in that relationship for, so I ended it and resigned myself to the fact that I would be single forever.
Now there’s a guy I’ve been friends with that has been pursuing me since finding out I’m single. I’m nowhere near ready to date and it’s perfect because he’s living out of state now and won’t be back in my area for another eight months. Do I let the long-distance relationship develop and tell him once we actually can be together?
Your friends are right in that trying to make a living (or even an approximation of a living) as a freelance artist is risky and probably unlikely, but if you and your husband can easily absorb the loss of your small income, then it’s a calculated risk you should consider taking. If it doesn’t, you can try to find that part-time job and do your creative work on the side, and maybe even carve out a new career in a different field that you don’t hate. Only three months in, I can’t tell if the doubts I have are real or born from a fear of change—I’m introverted and very used to my own company. I think “a sense of destiny” is perhaps too much to ask from a three-month-old relationship, but I think “a sense of butterflies” is a perfectly reasonable expectation.
You’re lucky to have options right now, and you should take advantage of that. My 27-year-old girlfriend is cute, caring, artistic, and has a heart of gold; we have compatible relationship ideals and life goals, and on paper our relationship makes sense. If you simply value and admire your girlfriend but don’t feel particularly excited about her, then don’t force yourself to keep dating her just because she’s a good person.
It’s a trust issue—although this absolutely need not be a big deal, if you expose someone without having told them how can they trust you?
Be prepared for questions, be prepared for some silence, have some info handy. And if someone can’t deal with it then try your best to see it the same way you’d see someone not being able to deal with the fact that you have a dog or kids. Shame sometimes feels like the loudest, truest feeling, and I don’t think that it is.
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers. (Sign up below to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. I felt like I needed to make it work because he gave me herpes, which made me feel like damaged goods.
: I just ended a relationship that I stayed in far too long.
We’ve been talking daily and getting to know each other. Typically, those discussions happen once sex is happening, but that won’t happen for us for at least another eight months.
Or should I tell him now in case it’s a deal breaker?
It’s extremely possible I’ve been brainwashed by fan fiction and rom-coms. One said her fiancé never wears his, while another stated he never wears one.